The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

Everyone likes to be able to understand themselves and others. It just seems to be a need. The unexplored self is not worthy to be presented to the world.

There have been many attempts to understand just what makes a person different. Some have called it temperaments, others have tried to say it is life experiences.

We all have expectations. They boil down to external and internal. Examples would be the work deadline and New Year’s resolutions. How we meet these expectations can be seen in response to them.

It is hardwired into us from birth, if I understand the point Rubin is presenting here.

The types she presents are four. 

They are: Upholder, Obligator, Rebel, and Questioner.

 The Upholder tendency is to do the things that are right both inwardly and externally. They tend to love schedules both keeping and making them. They tend to follow through on plans.

The Obligator will tend to do anything you ask even if it will inconvenience him. The moto would be by serving others I am serving myself.

The Rebel will tend to resist expectations. They will do things on their own schedule or not at all.  They want it to be their own choice to act.

The questioner will tend to research before following through. If you can convince them that it is necessary, they will act.

Each tendency has strengths and weaknesses so there is no best tendency. And even if there were, since they are hardwired from birth, you couldn’t change them.

Tendencies are seen in all aspects of life. Childhood, teenager, adult, work, retirement, marriage.

Rubin gives in a nutshell what a person should remember if they want to influence other tendencies.

“Upholders want to know what should be done.

Questioners want justifications.

Obligators need accountability.

Rebels want freedom to do something their own way.”

In short, there is no one size fits all when it comes to tendencies.

A good example would be the college student who has a report to do. He has known it was a requirement of the class since the beginning of the year. The prof has said it is part of his grade.

The Upholder does the paper and has it ready before time. After all, he has scheduled out the time for collecting information and outlining the paper and completing it.

The Obligator will do the paper as required because he honors the requirement. He has met his inner need to be a good student.

The Questioner will research, and research try to find the most obscure facts to put in his paper before realizing he has not much time left to complete the assignment. Then he will do it.

The Rebel will procrastinate and set up his own schedule for when to do the paper. He may or may not meet the deadline.

There is also a discussion of what can be expected when the tendencies fall in love and get married, that is very helpful as no relationship is doomed.

I found this book to be very informative. It will be useful for the general understanding of people. I would recommend it.

This book is $24.00. It is published by Harmony Books.